The Blame Game

couple use

When it comes to fertility issues, one of the first questions that seems to go around is “who is to blame”. It is her, is it him? Are they both having issues or maybe they’re not compatible?

None of this makes struggling with fertility issues any easier and doesn’t answer any important questions about the process, yet it is something that seems to be on everyone’s mind. The reality of things is that fertility issues can equally fall on the man, the woman, or both partners and in several cases, there may be no “real” cause that can be diagnosed based on testing.

You would think with the diagnosis of issues being 50/50 split that both the female and male partners would be tested together initially, but this is not always the case and most testing begins with the woman. While the woman does contribute to the creation of children and holding the pregnancy, it’s hard to only look at their anatomy to figure out what the issue is that the couple is having and thus men should be tested early on as well.

testThere are doctors that recognize this and will test both parties when it comes to fertility issues, but in other cases, women are the sole target and can be told next steps before their male partner has ever been tested. It does no good to only have half the story and this is very true in cases of infertility.

Now once a doctor has tested both the male and female partner, they can finally make some important decisions on treatment options to move further with the process of trying to conceive, but this may only be half the battle for the couple as they are now aware of who is to “blame” for their issues. pills

In cases of unexplained infertility issues (which leaves a frustration of its own) and issues on both the male and female partners side, this can help to bring the couple together and make them realize that there is no fault and that it’s just the cards they have been dealt in life. For those who have learned that the issues reside only on the male or female partner’s side though, this can lead to issues of blame and hurt.

Playing the blame game during fertility struggles can be quite damaging to the relationship and should be avoided at all cost. While this seems like common sense, it’s not uncommon for partners to have emotional struggles after a diagnosis. It’s so important to support and acknowledge the feelings and concerns of the partner who has been diagnosed with the fertility issues before moving on. Being understanding and listening is the first step towards making it easier for each partner to still feel appreciated and not that this is a game changer.

supportThere are some instances where couples may need additional help to support their partners and this is okay and may be necessary to keep the relationship healthy or to help heal an already hurt relationship. Finding the right support and resources for both partners is essential and unfortunately in the infertility community this can be far more difficult for the male partner to find the support and resources he needs.

For women, there are many support groups and even a strong community on social media to help them feel supported and to share their concerns, but for men this is much harder to find, but we encourage men to get out there and try to find others who are struggling to connect with and build their own support network. If you don’t know where to turn, please don’t hesitate to email us at and we can also help to be a resource and support guide for both men and women.